Finding pleasure in your own image may not be easy initially, but your body and your pleasure are yours to own. It is up to you to decide how, and when, you share it with someone else. To that end, understanding what turns you on and gets you off also allows you to achieve sexual equality and mutual orgasm with a partner, which is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Once you've worked on your thinking about your body, the next step involves how you think about your mind.

STEP TWO - THINK GOOD THOUGHTS

A major shift in collective thinking about women and sexuality has to do with the concept of function vs. dysfunction. Traditionally, when women have problems with desire and arousal, we are labeled as "sexually dysfunctional." Well, before we accept that we're "damaged goods," let's define what female sexual function is all about.

Sexual function has a lot, if not everything, to do with your mindset. You know how people say that men think about sex every six seconds? Take that as inspiration, and know that your active mind can be part of a healthy sex life.

With a little encouragement, exploration, and confidence, women can fine-tune their libidos by becoming attuned to your body's arousal signals; figure out what makes you hot and what dulls your senses. Female arousal is not always dependent on romance or a relationship. When you are open to what turns you on, arousal can sometimes take us by surprise, even while sitting in the office, working out or hanging out at home.

Start taking note of when you are turned on and figure out what got your there. How were you feeling about your body right at that moment? I expect that you were feeling pretty darn good. That's right -- you're sexy, and you know it. To be desirable, you first must learn to embrace your desires.

A woman should know what turns her on. Whether they involve far-fetched adventures or steamy real-life like encounters, our fantasies are diverse, kinky and creative. They stem from unfulfilled or fulfilled experiences or taboo scenarios that we would never want to try out in reality, but that turn us on in our minds. We may choose to share them or not, but in the end, they give us the nourishment we need.

STEP THREE - EXPLORE YOURSELF

For many women, masturbation or other forms of physical self-exploration, is our first real encounter with our sexuality. This is a natural step to take when we first experience arousal. Unfortunately, on a cultural level -- masturbation is often forcibly hidden, and many people develop feelings of guilt and shame surrounding it.

In fact, there's no doubt that masturbation is a healthy step to sexual discovery. The notion that women should love themselves -- love their butts and breasts, lips and vulvas and everything in between, is of critical importance to feeling comfortable about your body and to the experience of sexual pleasure. When we learn to love our bodies, orgasms will be more plentiful. Loving your body also means you are more freely able to express sexual desires and needs, and to experience all the pleasure that sex has to offer.

Self-exploration is the key to understanding your anatomy. It isn't just about preventative medicine and focusing on the STDs we should be looking out for (which is also an essential element of a healthy sexuality). Rather, the key is to ensure everything is working properly.

Over the years we've learned that women have an extensive, responsive, and interactive sexual system -- just like the boys. Now, women are embracing masturbation more and more because it allows us to know our bodies, discover what we want and express that want to our partners. Masturbation is a first step in our personal sexual evolution, and it enhances our sexual self-esteem. The styles, props, times, places and fantasies differ from one woman to the next, but all masturbation is the common pursuit of self-love. You have to love yourself before you really learn to be loved.

The female orgasm is commonly thought of as both more difficult and more complex to achieve than the male orgasm. As a medical fact, there is no anatomical explanation behind this myth. Achieving orgasm is not a passive body function. The big O in orgasm is actually a physical and often-explosive release of built-up muscle tension.

Overall, an orgasm is one of the most pleasurable, indulgent and important experiences a woman can have. There is no such thing as a bad orgasm. Stress-relieving, body-cleansing, emotionally bonding, mind-clearing and pleasure-filling; orgasms have a place in each and every day of our lives.

STEP FOUR - SHARE WHAT YOU'VE LEARNED WITH A PARTNER

Once you've figured out your body, it's time to share what you've learned with a partner. Sexual satisfaction includes both giving pleasure and receiving it. Alas, many women still don't speak up in bed, either because we don't know what to ask for or we have trouble asking for it.

The biggest myth here is that during intercourse, women orgasm from a unique form of stimulation that is different from what gives us pleasure on our own. On the contrary, the very same techniques that we have discovered on our own are the techniques that will work for us during intercourse. This means you have to take control.
 

Quality counts much more that quantity, but let's face it, most great sex doesn't just miraculously happen on its own. It takes lots of know-how to make sure both players are satisfied.

Unfortunately, some women still feel pressure in the moment to "fake it." Why? Because it just doesn't feel so great, and you don't want to let your partner down or there is a feeling of inadequacy. Try laying down a new rule for awhile -- make sure you come first, before he starts down his well-traveled path to pleasure. Get in touch with your body first, and then speak up when it counts most -- and you will never have to fake it again.

At the end of the day, you are defined by how you feel, not by what someone else thinks of you. Simply put, it's time to start feeling good.

Melinda Gallagher is the founder of CAKE and the co-author of A Piece of CAKE: Recipes for Female Sexual Pleasure.

source: http://www.gleemagazine.com/glee/article.cfm?cmi=1803751&cid=37&code=29103